“The stars, I see, will kiss the valleys first: The odds for high and low’s alike”
- William Shakespeare
I had a bit of an epiphany last night. It was one of those moments when a few things I’ve never understood about myself suddenly came into very clear focus, and things just made sense. I’m not sure if I want to go into the details, or if anyone would even want to hear them. To me, though, it was something major. It’s not every day you have the answer to “why the hell do I do that?” handed to you in a way that makes perfect sense. It’s potentially life-changing stuff. We’ll see.
It was a big thing to me, and coming on the heels of my Burning Man trip I think my nerves were a bit more exposed today than usual, but in a curiously good way. I’m prone to long periods of numbness, and today I let it drop a little. The end result was that today’s high spots were a bit higher than usual, and the low spots a bit lower. One of the things I realized last night, though, is that those lows are the price of feeling. To reach the highs, I’ve got to be willing to endure the lows.
Over the years, I’ve put a lot of effort into avoiding those lows, and today I feel like I finally know why. A feels like a first step in letting go of that.
I am sorry and regretful and a terrible friend for having this epiphany uncommented(there is no such verb or word deriving from it!)
I would like to say that I am not jealous or envious of what you had. Merely expecting something of the kind will happen to me eventually, as I think it enlightens us and makes of the primordial clay that was a better being in the sense of.. understanding oneelf better which leads to understanding others better.
(this was not spellchecked since I am starting to hate what it implies and refuse to avail myself of the facilities to do so – I would much rather spell things ever so slightly wrong than being altogether wrong as in “I have no point to make but I can cunningly disguise it under the guise of bitching about semantics, ortography or language” )
ABHs