blog.Adonis.net

Nothing ever goes as planned
It’s a hell of a notion.

- Dennis De Young, Styx

The plan was to update this place at least a few times a week, but I’ve been sidetracked by a few things lately.

The biggest distraction has been a group of security auditors who have monopolized almost all of my time this week, and I’ve been so exhausted by the time I’m done with the daily interrogations that I’ve just got nothing left in me. I’ve been getting home and immediately wanting to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the night until it’s time to go to bed. I’ve been completely drained, and I can’t wait for the ordeal to be over.

I also have a confession to make. Another factor in my not showing up here is a gnome mage by the name of Imtrick, my new alter-ego on the Tichondrius server in World of Warcraft. I’d managed to not get tangled up with WoW for the first few years it was out, but I finally broke down and logged in, and by the second day I’d converted my demo account to a full one.

I’m not sure how far I’ll get with it, being basically too antisocial to group up with strangers most of the time, and that limits my ability to complete a lot of quests. I have, however, made it as far as level 33 so far and I’ve really been on a roll lately.

Unless, of course, I’m collapsed in a heap in the living room because I couldn’t make it upstairs to the bedroom.

“The stars, I see, will kiss the valleys first: The odds for high and low’s alike”

- William Shakespeare

I had a bit of an epiphany last night. It was one of those moments when a few things I’ve never understood about myself suddenly came into very clear focus, and things just made sense. I’m not sure if I want to go into the details, or if anyone would even want to hear them. To me, though, it was something major. It’s not every day you have the answer to “why the hell do I do that?” handed to you in a way that makes perfect sense. It’s potentially life-changing stuff. We’ll see.

It was a big thing to me, and coming on the heels of my Burning Man trip I think my nerves were a bit more exposed today than usual, but in a curiously good way. I’m prone to long periods of numbness, and today I let it drop a little. The end result was that today’s high spots were a bit higher than usual, and the low spots a bit lower. One of the things I realized last night, though, is that those lows are the price of feeling. To reach the highs, I’ve got to be willing to endure the lows.

Over the years, I’ve put a lot of effort into avoiding those lows, and today I feel like I finally know why. A feels like a first step in letting go of that.